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THE
BOY COLIN SAYS:
YEW
CARN'T BEAT A BITTA CEARKE AN' A DROPPA WINE
That
ow wind started boiten inter moi ow boones and gal June wuzza
feelin’ har toes and fingers din’t belong to har.
Yew know what Oime a’gorn ter say, dorncha? Let’s
git somewhere warm agin!
Now,
dew Oi say ter yew think ’bout cearke and woine, wass
that conjured up in yar moinds? Well,
bor that kin on’y mean one plearce. Yis, yew’re
got it – MADEIRA!
We
took orf from Luton, but whenever we go from thare we allus
hev a helluva job a’foindin’ the parking plearce.
Well, yew say, yew’re bin from thare afore, how cum yew
git lorst? Well bor, that allus seem they’re diggin’
thare ruds up and send us orf on a helluva circular tower
afore we kin foind are bearings.
Howsomever,
we did git thare in the ind and blow me down if th’ow
plearne took orf roight on toime. Thass gotta be a fust, hin’t
it? Din’t see narthin’ of that mawther wot yewsta
dew the adwerts ’bout Luton Airport. Reckon she’s
tew busy up thare in Emmerdearle now.
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| THE
BOY COLIN AND THE GAL JUNE |
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All
Oi’d ever heered ’bout Madeira wuz roight. The wather
wuz jist roight – not tew hot an’ not yet tew cold,
and we on’y needed our brollies jist the once.
Thass a little bit hillier than Norfolk and some o’ them
hills dorn’t half mearke yer snort! The plearce is covered
wi’ flars, the loike o’ which Oi hen’t never
sin afore and all the gardens looked rarely bew’ful.
We took a few organised trips out but Oi loike gittin’
on thare local buses and travellin’ wi’ the locals.
Some onnem come inter Funchal fer thare weekly shop and go
orf loaded up ter the eyebrows, git orf the bus and go stomping
orf up them hills loike they dorn’t exist. They dorn’t
seem ter puff and pant loike we do. Still they’re yewst
to it. Them ow farmers up in the mountains hen’t got
no tractors or hosses and carts, an’ hatta lump orl thare
stuff about in grit ow’ baskets on thare backs.
They
told my mawther, afore we went, ter git me ter tearke har
out ter tea at a plearce called Reid’s Hotel. Oi even
took a proper shat and toi so Oi shun’t look shucky but
Oi’ll tell yew suffin’– when Oi see they wanted
twetty-earte quid a’piece fer a cuppa tea, a scone and
a sandwich Oi ruddy sune chearnged moi moind ’bout that.
Moight look sorft but dorn’t hatta act it, dew we?
We
went ter chach on Motherin’ Sunda’ and they had
a rare ow scolder thare. Tha preacher wuz a woman an’,
blarst din’t she go on. She dun forty minutes which is
jist about as much as Oi kin manage on a good day. The noice
touch wuz that they give all the leardies a noice orchid at
the end onnit. Thass one o’ tha best harldays we’re
hed fer a long toime and even thow Oi say it, the soop in
the hotel wuz as good as wot my mawther mearke for me.
Next
stop wuz Carlisle ter meet up a’longa them ow RAF meartes
agin. Thass a long ow pull up thare but thass wath it ter
see th’ow boys agin. Still told the searme ow tearles
’bout when we wuz boys in Jairmany in the ’Fifties,
but that all bring back happy memories.
Roight,
thinkin’ caps on, or pin and map at the ready, ter foind
somewhere else ter go. Roight now Oi’m gornta git stuck
inter some Mulligatawny – that mearke a chearnge, dorn’t
it?
Cheerio
tergather.
First
published in The
Merry Mawkin
Number 33, Summer 2009.
TO
READ THE BOY COLIN’S PREVIOUS ARTICLE, PLEASE
CLICK HERE
THE
BOY COLIN’S NORFOLK QUIZ
Time
to test your local knowledge
1
Where can you find a carving of a mermaid in a church?
2
Where was Ted Ellis, the ‘Norfolk Naturalist’ born?
3
For what was Sarah Martin best known?
4
What is on the top of the Garboldisham War Memorial?
5
When was the elm tree on Elm Hill taken down?
6
What is on the weathervane on St Nicholas’ Church in
Dereham?
7
How many gold medals were awarded to Henry Blogg?
8
How many miles is it from the Esplanade in Sheringham to the
North Pole?
9
Which Norwich pub had Jem Mace, world boxing champion, as
landlord?
10
What are the colours on the face of the church clock in Coltishall?
How
did you do? Click
here
to find out!
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